Defense Mechanisms – Why Do We Use Them and How Can We Break Free?

Defense mechanisms – people have known about them and tried to get rid of them since the dawn of psychology. But are they truly what make us feel secure, even in situations that could lead to harm for us?

Repression, denial, internalization – all of these cause us to view reality through an interpretation rather than as it actually unfolds. A defense mechanism occurs when we don't believe that reality can be as we perceive it. Therefore, we try to give ourselves an explanation for reality that reflects a blend of how we *wish* reality would look and how it *actually* appears. This explanation creates a new interpretation of reality.

The longer people hold onto this interpretation, the more connections they are able to create that can "prove" to them that this is reality. The purpose of a defense mechanism is to push objective reality into a corner. In other words, to explain to you why you are not 'x' enough for 'y' to happen to you. It does this through 4 stages:

1. **Choosing an interpretation** – Selecting a practical fact occurring in reality that justifies why you are not who you say you are. For example: if only you did what you needed to, you would have time to fulfill your desire, or if only you knew more in a certain field, you could be who you say you are.
2. **Proving the interpretation** – Finding as many agreed-upon signs as possible in other people's interpretations that support the chosen interpretation as a defense mechanism. Who else thinks like me?
3. **Fears** – Anyone who doesn't think like me threatens the existence of my defense mechanism. Therefore, a way must be found to convince them that my way is the right way, or to distance them enough from me so that they have no influence over it.
4. **Denial** – The extreme end of a defense mechanism concludes with denial. Is what I perceive as an undesirable reality even real? After all, if I decide it's not real, then it won't happen.

Your life lessons are embedded within each of these defense mechanisms. They are the security mechanism that ensures the lesson stays and continues to provide you with the 'benefits' you are so accustomed to, to the point where you don't notice that your safe place is actually the place keeping you stuck.

Are you finding the defense mechanism that is managing your growth?